Harry Potter and the Missing Christmas Cookies
by Flouncealot
Summary: Oh the horror! All the Christmas Cookies have been stolen. Will Harry, Ron and Hermione find the culprit. ONESHOT


Harry Potter and the Missing Christmas Cookies

Well Christmas had finally arrived. Almost everyone was going home for the holidays. A few exceptions were Harry, Ron, Hermione and, unfortunately for them, Draco Malfoy.

"Since I'm not going home this year", stated Draco smugly, "Mommy and Daddy are giving me twice as many presents than usual...Heeheehee". Harry sighed. Some things would never change. This was their fifth year at Hogwarts and everything was going smoothly...so far.

One by one the students boarded the train that would take them home. The 'Golden Trio' were in the Common Room. Harry and Ron were playing chess while Hermione read "Hogwarts: A History" for the seventeenth time this year. Suddenly, they heard a voice coming from outside the room. Draco was skipping down the corridor chanting. "I am a school Prefect! I am a school Prefect", over and over until finally someone got annoyed and told him that he was gay freak. Draco spun around and shouted, "Avada Kedavra". Silence. "Anyone else want to insult my skipping?" Nobody moved and Draco continued on his way (still skipping mind you) down the corridor.

Suddenly Neville Longbottom ran in. "Hey you guys. Professor McGonagall sent me to bring the Gryffindors down. Everyone staying over the Christmas break is asked to go down to the Great Hall".

"Why?", asked Harry. But Neville had already left, but not before tripping over his own feet and falling onto a first year girl.

"We better go", he said to Ron and Hermione. They nodded and started off to the Great Hall. When they got there, they realized that very few people decided to stay. Quietly, they took a seat beside Neville who was trying to get away from the girl he landed on. Apparently she thought he did it on purpose and was now talking about the two of them getting married. At last Professor Dumbledore spoke.

"A great tragedy is on our hands", he stated, "All the Christmas cookies have been stolen." Dumbledore broke down and started sobbing like a baby. Professor McGonagall tried vainly to comfort him. Professor Snape stood up.

"When we find out who did this", he barked, "they will regret ever coming to Hogwarts".

When they were dismissed, they started to walk towards the Gryfindor Common Room. After getting over the shock of having no Christmas cookies, the three turned to face each other and unanimously stated, "Malfoy".

"It probably is him", said Harry, "But how do we prove it?"

"Well," stated Ron, "there's only one thing to do in a time like this." Ron started to sing 'Oops I Did It Again' by Brittany Spears. Harry and Hermione just looked at him as it he was nuts...and at that moment he probably was.

Finally Harry got fed up. "Shut up Ron!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Ron stopped and looked shocked.

You…You don't like Brittany Spears?" he asked. Before Harry could reply, Hermione cut in.

I've got the perfect plan", she stated proudly. "What is it?" asked Harry, who was currently looking for duct tape incase Ron decided to do an encore.

"Well, one of us could follow Malfoy when he goes into the Slytherin Common Room and wait until he leaves so they can try to find the missing Christmas cookies. I mean, a Christmas without cookies. Come on, it's indecent", she stated with disgust. Hermione looked at Harry and saw him grinning like an idiot while doing the 'Mr. Burns hand thingy'.

"Excellent", he said, but he realized that everyone was watching him. "I mean...I nominate Ron".

Ron looked up, "What am I being nominated for?" he asked. After explaining the plan, Ron agreed. When Ron skipped off to find Draco, Harry set to work on burning all his Brittany Spears "collectibles", as Ron called them. Hermione just sighed and went back to reading her book.

Meanwhile, Ron had spotted Draco and started to follow him. When they got into the Slytherin Common Room, Ron came out of hiding. He had forgotten about "wait until he leaves" part of the plan. Well either that of he was thinking about 'You Know Who' in the Pepsi commercial (and no it's not Voldemort). Anyway, Ron started walking toward the boys' bedrooms.

Draco just looked at him and finally said, "What the hell are you doing in here Weasel?" All Ron could do was stare at him in shock.

"How did you know I was here", he asked.

"I don't know," said Draco, "maybe because you're standing right in front of me?"

"Oh", said Ron before running out of the room.

"Get back here Weasley!" shouted Draco, before running after him. Ron ran into the Gryffindor Common Room, Draco hot on his heels. They ran past Harry and Hermione. Harry, who was bored, turned to watch them. Draco got out his wand and started shooting red sparks at Ron. Ron reached for his wand. Being as bored as he was and knowing that Draco could only give Ron minor injures, Harry got out his own wand.

"Expellimus", he muttered. Ron's wand flew out of his hand. Ron looked at Harry, then looked at his empty hand, then looked at Draco who was grinning insanely. He looked back at Harry, then looked at his empty hand. Slowly he looked back at Draco and saw that he was still grinning insanely. Suddenly he felt the need to scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", Ron screamed as he stared to run. "Die Weasley!" shouted Draco, who started to chase him again, while shooting red sparks out of his wand.

One Hour Later

"Die Weasley!" shouted Draco, who was still chasing Ron around the room. Harry, who was getting a headache, took out his wand and muttered something. Ron fell unconscious.

"Thank you Potter", said Draco, putting away his wand and leaving the room. Harry nodded. Suddenly Hermione spoke.

"Hey", she said, "why don't we go and look for clues about the missing cookies?"

"Good idea", said Harry, "but we better wake up Ron first". After Ron was conscious again, they started off. First they came to Professor McGonagall's office.

The office was fairly neat and organized. Sitting on the desk was a cat. Hermione squealed.

"Awwww, what an adorable cat", she cried and wrapped her arms around it in a bone crushing hug. "I will love you, and squeeze you, and call you George", she cooed, apparently oblivious to the cat's cries of protest. Unfortunately she squeezed a bit too hard and the cat fell limp to the ground.

Wow", she mused, "I guess don't know my own strength". But Harry and Ron weren't paying attention. They were looking down at the ground. She looked down and let out a shriek. Where 'George' used to be now lay an unconscious Minerva McGonagall.

"Oh Shit", Hermione said quietly. They looked around then dashed out the door. Harry looked around, "Well, we better keep going".

As they continued down the corridor Harry and Ron heard Hermione muttering, "I didn't do it. You can't prove I did it. Nobody saw me do it".

Finally they came to Snape's dungeon. It was dark and damp. They looked around trying to decide where Snape could have hidden the cookies.

"You know what", said Harry, "I bet Snape and Malfoy are eating those cookies right now".

Ron looked up. "Yeah, lucky gits. They get cookies in bed".

Hermione stared at him. "Bed?"

Harry looked thoughtful. "I always knew something was going on between those two. I mean, no wonder he's always getting good marks in Potions"

"Yeah", said Ron, "You know what else-"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!" screamed Hermione.

Harry looked disappointed. "Oh all right. Come on, I'll check his bathroom".

No sooner had Harry left the room when he shouted, "I KNEW IT!"

Hermione and Ron rushed in.

"You found the missing cookies?"

"You found Snape doing Malfoy?"

Harry looked at Hermione, "No", then looked at Ron, "Definitely no" Then started grinning like an idiot. "I found something better"

Silence.

Finally. "Well?"

Harry looked proud and pointed to the shower. "I always new he didn't use shampoo".

Hermione slapped him on the head. "Well come on, there's nothing here".

When they got back into the corridor, Harry spoke. "Let's skip Professor Sprout. I mean, she's Head of Hufflepuff for Christ's Sake".

When they came to Professor Flitwick's office, they smelled something good...very good...and very familiar. Suddenly Ron shouted. "I know what that is. That's the smell of cookies".

"How do you know", asked Hermione curiously.

"Well you see", stated Ron proudly, "Mum's been teaching me how to cook and we made cookies all summer. It's my specialty. I'm also learning how to sew, clean, do laundry..." he trailed off.

Harry and Hermione looked at him. "Rrrriiiiiiiggggghhhhttttttt..." and started slowly backing away. They were both thinking the same thing, "Well, I know what his future career is going to be. Cough house-wife cough."

Anyway, back to the matter of the cookies. They opened the door to his office and saw a terrible sight. Professor Flitwick had grown almost 10 times his normal size...particularly around the middle.

"Professor Flitwick!" they all shouted.

He glared at them. "Yes, it was I. I stole all the Christmas cookies and I just got rid of the evidence...BURP".

Hermione stared it shock. This was her favorite teacher. "But Professor, why did you do it?"

"Why? Why? I'll tell you why. Every year all I want to do is enjoy a nice cookie. But no. All you greedy kids steal them before I even get a chance and the rest of the teachers eat those that are left over. But nobody suspected me. Nobody ever suspects the tiny old man. Mwahahahaha".

Suddenly Dementors glided in and dragged a screaming Flitwick out the door where he would be sentenced to a life time in Azkaban for his terrible crime.

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your dog!"

"Hey!" yelled Ron, "I'm not a dog!"

As a reward for their help, the school granted them an item of their choice...as long as it was under 50 galleons. Harry chose to get a new broom. A new model just came out that year and he was dying to get it for Quidditch. Hermione decided on getting 'Hogwarts: A History', so she would have to keep checking out the school's copy...Madam Pince was getting pissed off at her for coming in the library every Saturday just to renew it. But nobody seemed to know what Ron got. As Harry and Hermione made their way down to the Common Room, they bumped into Draco.

"Good work Potter...although I knew who it was all along, so there".

Knowing this was as close to a compliment he'd ever get from Draco, Harry just smiled and said, "Thanks Malfoy". All of a sudden, Ron popped out of nowhere.

"Hey guys", he said smiling, "Guess what. I got the new Brittany Spears CD".

"All three of them pulled out their wands and unanimously shouted, "Die Weasley!"

"Oops I did it again!" Ron said before he took off screaming, the others in hot pursuit.

THE END


End file.
